Goodbye 2012…..

If 12 is supposed to be a lucky number, and 13 an unlucky number, I think we are in for it! Almost every person that I have spoken with complains that 2012 was a terrible year. I think a feeling of hope is blanketing this new year. From lost jobs and deaths to horrific news headlines and super storms, 2012 was not playing around. Personally, 2012 was not amazing but it was not terrible either.

As a means of reflection, I always like to look back and list the top memories from 2012 and the top things I never accomplished (to move onto the 2013 list!). Kind of like an annual “bucket list.” I think it is very important to acknowledge and celebrate life’s little blessings. It is always easier to say what we do not have, did not accomplish and still have to do. I suggest you move out of that negatively and look at what you do have, have accomplished and second chances still to be granted to you.

Top memories from 2012:

1.) Beach birthday trip to Ocean City with amazing family

2.) Seattle trip- seeing the west coast for the first time (and seeing horses run free on beaches)

3.) One year wedding anniversary spent in Asheville, NC. I am in LOVE with this place now. Oh, and Biltmore Winery?? YES!

4.) First time visiting my parents condo in Destin (and first time on vacation with just them)

5.) San Antonio trip- first time in the big ol’ state of Texas

6.) Celebrating my nephew’s FIRST birthday

7.) Warrior Dash with dad

8.) Fourth of July party at our house

9.) All of my pursuits in baking/cooking

10.) Meeting Clark Howard!

There were, of course, many other great memories. 2012 was good to me for the most part so I warily approach 2013. I pray for patience, peace, faith and love. I need work in all of these areas. I have never made a New Year’s Resolution, so I will not start now, but I do have some goals in mind. Goals are better than resolutions anyway. Who wants to be resolute about something that you may not accomplish? Not me.

As I have alluded to in recent posts, we start a new journey in January, and, well, that is tomorrow. We actually started the journey over one year ago when I went to my doctor and they diagnosed me as pre-menopausal. This obviously means I cannot have children. I was referred to a specialist and we have had hopeful news since then. I am currently working with the specialist and we hope to get better news as time goes on. Ideally, I wanted to finish my Master’s and travel more….but life has better plans for me I think. I will still get to go to NYC in March and California in April (marking two new places off of my list). I only have five classes of my Master’s left, so it is not impossible to finish, but it is crazy how my priorities have changed. I used to want to my PhD before I turned 30. I still have about 3 years left I guess. I used to want a lot of things before I turned 30 but I am OK knowing that I am 26 and have an entire life ahead of me. I will take you on this journey with me….hardships and successes. Let’s hope for more success than failure! 

Here is to a great 2013! Thank you for all of your support of this blog. I sincerely hope to continue…..

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Recipe swap + freedom from panic

Woo! It is finally here! Christmas Break! Ahhhhhh…..2 full weeks of no students. I love my students but I think we both need a little break from one another.

I want to talk about a few things today….and as the title suggests, do a little recipe swappin’, but first…let’s talk about the tough stuff. So last Thursday, I started having trouble breathing again. Chest tightness, that feeling of panic and fear and what if I can’t get this breath…If you have anxiety, you know this feeling. I recognized the feeling and told myself, “It is OK, Alyssa, it is panic.” But then I start the self-doubt, and the conversation with myself, which goes something like this:

“But why can’t you breathe? Nothing is GOING ON!? You are not even stressed….things are calming down…”

“Oh gosh, you are right, why would I have this reaction if there was no reason?”

“Is something wrong?”

“Maybe….but if you do not stop these symptoms, you know what follows….it is going to get bad again and you won’t be able to control it….like last time.”

And the vicious cycle begins…..The next day, I started having the tunnel and blurry vision, but I made a pact with myself to NOT FEAR the symptoms and CONTROL them: face them. SO, I did. I did not change my life or things I enjoy to avoid panic (like I used to do). I did not dwell on the symptoms. I told myself, every time things calm down, you react this way…..think back to every break from work. I started telling myself these things and ironically something happened at work to reaffirm these messages. We had a staff luncheon the other day and as we were walking down the hall (the kids are gone for the day and everything), one of my co-workers says, “Why am I having a panic attack right now!?” Wow. What do you know? I am not the only one. So, my question is, why do so many teachers suffer from panic and why does the panic get worse when things get better? I can only suspect that we are typically type A personalities and that the way panic works is when your adrenaline is up, up, up, and finally comes down, your body goes for that “flight or fight” reaction. Whatever the logistics of it all, I am happy I am somewhat “normal” in all of this and I will continue to FACE my symptoms. If you need a life changing book to help you manage your anxiety, please read At Last a Life. This book literally changed my reaction to my symptoms so that I could MANAGE them. These symptoms no longer run my life and while the symptoms come back, ala this week, I feel in control, which is a great feeling.

On to more positive topics like eating 🙂

For me, baking is a big stress reliever. I love to find new recipes and change them up to make them healthier, more unique, or just different. I am not brave enough to create my own recipe entirely just yet, but I do make several changes. Every Sunday I make a big pot of soup and that usually lasts me for the week. I do not eat it every day but it is nice to have something already made for lunch or dinner. I try a different soup recipe every week and I am getting pretty good! I have a constant fully stocked pantry of vegetable and chicken stock. Some recipes I have tried so far involve lots of kale, butternut squash (MY FAVORITE), chicken, lentils, celery, sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, etc…..I love to combine lots of veggies with stock and just go to town!

Here is this week’s soup: I call it butternut squash chicken soup with kale (really original, I know…)

a few cloves of garlic/minced garlic

1 yellow onion

small bag baby carrots (or about 1 cup chopped)

2 stalks of celery diced or chopped

one bunch of Kale

boneless skinless chicken breast

1 small butternut squash diced and roasted

sea salt to taste

cracked black pepper to taste

I roast the butternut squash first and let that cool while I start the pot of soup. I start by sautéing the garlic and onion with a splash of olive or coconut oil (over medium high heat). After the onions are soft, I add in the chicken stock and chicken breasts. After about 10 minutes I add in the veggies (except kale) and turn the temp down to medium heat. I add the Kale last because it gets too wilty if left in too long. I usually let it cook for about 30 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through and the carrots are soft.

I hope you like it! Let me know what you think in the comments below 🙂

This next recipe is an adaptation from Cassey of Blogilates. I ADORE her workouts and recipes. I suggest you visit the blog at some point. So the recipe I found was for oatmeal cookies. The recipe was basically one banana mashed with one cup of oats. Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes. She added in raisins as well. I thought I would try this but mix it up a bit. So here is my adaptions recipe. Sorry, no pictures 😦

Banana chocolate oatmeal cookies:

One banana mashed with one cup of oats. Add in 1/4 egg whites. Stir in cinnamon and dark chocolate chips. Add as many as you want. After mixing, roll into balls and flatten out on a baking sheet. Bake for about 15 minutes at 350 degrees.

Let me know what you think!

I am baking more today and so I will have more next time! Other than baking, I plan to scrapbook and spend some time with my fur babies. I am looking forward to being home.

Happy almost Christmas Eve!

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What you are telling your body versus what you want in life

Happy Saturday!

It has been a week full of sickness at our school. Teachers and students are out with the flu and all kinds of nasty respiratory stuff. It is about time for a break to stop this spread of sickness! I am hoping to dodge the flu bullet. I had the flu once, about 5 years ago, and never want it again. I do not do the flu shot thing, so fingers crossed!! Hope all of you are avoiding such sickness as well 🙂

Answer this one question before reading below: What barriers block your beliefs? (the ones you want!)

Think on that….and keep reading….

This post is inspired by several people in my life….and I am just now writing about it. As many of you know, I went to a homeopathic/”natural” doctor this past May. I was tired of feeling “out of whack” and in just under one year, I have taken control of so many of my “health” issues. One thing my doctor mentioned to me along my journey was that of “cellular memory.” Have you heard of this? I thought it was such an interesting idea that our cells have a memory, and why wouldn’t they I guess? The topic came up after we were trying to think of ways to help my hormone levels. As many of you know, I had Anorexia for years and even though I have been in recovery for almost 4 years, I told my body a lot of negative messages in that time of my sickness. Some of those negative messages become memories of my body, so when I am now trying to do things that a normally healthy person would be able to do, I cannot. I have to fight harder and tell myself to do the most unconscious of things. These negative messages can be actual negative words we say to ourselves, such as “I will never be able to do….”, or actions. Many of the negative cellular memories I have are based around actions. For example, I would eat very little and run like crazy, with the intention of getting smaller and smaller and smaller…..Well, as you know, this is not the healthy path in life. You are not living your life; life is quite literally running you. In that time, the message I sent my body was, get rid of this, get rid of that, be skinny, cooperate, compare, etc….Even if I never told myself, “I want you to be thinner if you want to be happier,” the actions of my life did all the talking. Maybe you have something in your life where you can relate. I hope not, but most of us have gone through a time of lies or unhealthy behaviors, and it is not easy to come out of.

In a nut shell, we are comprised of physical, mental and emotional data that comes from all of our life experiences, genetic heritage, and even past generations (yes, your grandma plays a part in your everyday life!) Everything that we experience stays with us and becomes a cell memory. Take all of these individual “cell memories” and you have our collective cellular memory, all of which operates behind the scenes of our subconscious mind. I hate this analogy really, but think of a computer. Our hardrive is our cellular memory; we have memories, good and bad, stored up here.

We may not consciously remember that time that we got chicken pox at the age of two or when we were scolded and embarrassed in front of our class, for example, but our cells do and our cells act accordingly to our past. I am not saying you cannot change things….story of my life! I am saying that to recognize cellular memory can help you move forward in your journey; whatever that journey may be. If it is getting physically healthy, think about the messages you send to your body. What do you eat? How much do you move? What do you do on a daily basis that would let your cells know this is what you want? I know that sounds nuts, but it is the same philosophy as the whole “mind/body” connection bit. When people reference the mind/body/spirit connection, they are really talking about cellular memory.

In my own experience with my cellular memory, I found out that many of my self-defeating behaviors come from things that have happened to me, my internal reaction, and my lack of resolution of these experiences and reactions. Think about this way, it took you so many years (depending on your age) to get to where you are now, it is not going to take one year or less to get back to “normal.” Patience is important when focusing on changing ourselves from the cells out. It is possible.

What I have been recently convicted of is the time I devote to me and my “things” (like work, housework, etc..) I spend a lot of time doing for others but I also care too much about me sometimes. I realize that I worry about my looks more than I should and I realize that if I keep behaving this way, I cannot be there for others. I let myself have such low self-worth that I worry, and that worry becomes an obsession. Before you know it, I am back to my old cellular memory tricks.  I am not saying I do not go back to one of those every once in a while, but if you were to ask me today, I would say I have it together….most days. I have certain goals in my life right now and my behaviors sometimes do not match up. It is so odd to want something so badly and not be able to make yourself do it….contradictory, right? If that is not proof, I do not know what is.

So, what beliefs do you have of yourself? What beliefs do you WANT to have of yourself? For me, these are sometimes two very different things. Next, ask yourself, what are the barriers in your life that block those beliefs you WANT? Not easy to answer….

So, in closing, take this with a grain of salt but do consider it. Consider the foods you eat; how are these foods nourishing my body? Consider the actions of your body; how is this action affecting my mind? Consider your thoughts: is this thought healthy and beneficial to me or is it a lie meant to sabotage my day? Bering mindful is the overall take away from all of this and I hope my journey continues to inspire others to be the same.

happy weekend

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Happy December

November is gone and here comes December. I cannot believe it! I SO enjoyed my week break for Thanksgiving and am looking forward to all of the Christmas fun. I always love the first of a new month because it just signifies new beginnings and a new chance. November was great, with a lot of “firsts.”

Just to name a few:

#1: First time to Texas (and seeing the Alamo!)

#2: First cheesecake made from scratch (and pecan pie!)

#3: First Thanksgiving at my home (which I hosted!)

#4: First craft that did not go down burning in flames

It is cliché to say November is a month of thanks and blessings, but I will say that November was a great month with lots of memories. I realize that no matter how things can get (which is super freaking hard sometimes), I have so much to be thankful for.

December brings new hardships I am sure, but it also brings the opportunity for lots more “firsts!” In early January I will share with you a particularly new journey we are about to embark on….you will want to come back for that 🙂

So for today, that is all. I will post the directions for the wreath and the recipes for the cheesecake and pecan pie if you are interested. Check back later in the week and until then, have a fantastic Sunday!

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